What do you mean they are not real?

So I am writing away the other night. No maybe that is not quite right it was more like I was writing a chapter and then viciously scribbling it out, Lather, rinse, repeat. These events were accompanied by much huffing and puffing. Eventually Billy asked what the problem was. Poor poor Billy.

I told him that my characters kept wanting to do things other than what I wanted them to.

He looked at me with one of those long suffering looks that makes me want to smack the person and said "Melisa, you made them up you can make them do whatever you want."

Oh yeah cause it is THAT easy. If it was that easy every Tom Dick and Lucy would be a published author.

I tried to explain to him how characters take on lives and personalities of their own. How there was so much more to them than what gets put on paper. "I could tell you what color underwear they are wearing" I said trying to prove my point.

"Of course you can. You make up their underwear too."

ARGH he was so not getting the point. I mean really why would I say this if it was not true. Does he think I like sounding like a crazy woman?

I suppose technically he is right and I could write what I want them to do instead of what they want to do but it comes out really crappy so why bother.

On another completely unrelated note I washed Push last night. Good movie. Chris Evans just moved up a bit on my hottie list.

Oh noes! I caught the emo.

Self doubt is not an affliction that I am normally bothered by. Usually I am laughing at people who tell me I can't do something or am not good enough and informing them that contrary to their uneducated (and IMO worthless) opinion "I AM THE SHIT ". In fact my biggest personality flaw is probably a lack of modesty.

Don't get me wrong now I have plenty of others, like the inability to keep my opinions to myself, but my ego is definitely my biggest issue.

So now that I have caught the emo I am not quite sure what to do with myself. It hit me out of no where today when I was writing away and then suddenly second guessing every word I put down. My internal dialogue went something like

"Am I using that word too much?"
"Should it be a the noun or pronoun here"
"crap maybe I should put the comma before that word, no definitely after, no before"

well it just went on and on. Eventually I had to put the writing away because the end result was really choppy and read like a book report.

Maybe I will take a break from writing and try to do a bit more reading, that usually clears my head a bit.

Now I just have to decide which super hero I want to come save me from the emo.

Should it be Wolverine

Or Iron man

Or Johnny Storm

.




Oh the decisions a girl has to make. Life is such a burden