Digging out the ruler.

After spending a few months on a writing forum that will remain unnamed, I have noticed a lot of measuring going on. Many people seem to be caught up in how many words others are producing in a set amount of time and trying to figure out how they measure up.

While aspirations are undoubtedly a good thing I can't help but feel drawn back to school where I would listen to the guys I hung out with talk about who had the biggest dick.

Now much like the measuring contest of yesteryear writing measurements don't tell us a whole lot. There are extreme cases like where a writer does only ten words a week that we could compare to a 1 inch penis but for the most part writers will write however much works for them.

I'm not going to say I never have the urge to whip out the ole yard stick and see how I do compared to others, but people like Lori or Scarlett would just give me an inferiority complex and the writers version of erectile dysfunction (also known as writers block). This hardly seems constructive.

Instead I concentrate on my own writing and set my own goals. For me I will be content to write, edit, polish, and submit one novel a year. Other people would cry if they couldn't finish one in a month. There is nothing wrong with either of those goals as long as the writer picks one for themselves rather than force it upon themselves because they feel inferior otherwise.

I could probably bang out many thousand words in a day but I prefer to put out words that make sense when strung together and that takes time for me.

I also have to wonder how much time writers loose to wangsting about poor output when they could be using that time to actually .... you know.... write words.

Of course I coudl be writing words instead of wangsting about wangsting but, I'm a special case.

The end is in sight

Not on either of my WIPs (that would be too much to ask for) but insurance will be settled up from the fire sometime this month (15th at the latest). Personally I think 5 months is a ridiculous time span but it will be behind us soon.

With all things insurance related slowly winding down the move is looming before me. I don't really want to move as I hate it with every fiber of my being and would rather give myself a home lobotomy but it is happening in three weeks anyways.

Now writing must start ramping up as well.

I built myself a wall when it came to writing and it took me almost a month to realize it. As Sariel grew I began to feel the story was rapidly outpacing my writing ability. Nine years away from the writing game suddenly seemed like a lifetime and with every word I felt as if rust was flaking off the gears.

I would write in a frenzy and then throw it all away because it sucked. Well it really did suck but I realized I was not giving it my best and that was why. If I never finished the thing then I could not be rejected or ridiculed and THAT was starting to look like a winning proposition.

When quitting started to look like an attractive option I knew I had a serious problem. I have walked away from projects before but never one I had invested so much time in. I had a million excuses (husband, son, work, insurance, getting ready to move) but no real reason for my abysmal writing performance. In an effort to self correct I actually broke down and outlined. OK so it is only eight lines scribbled on a cash register receipt but it told me where I need to go next and I have no excuse for getting off track now.

Hello wall

So I have hit a wall. The problem is not that I am out of ideas or anything like that. No I don't have anything so poetic as writers block. I just can't focus long enough to put anything good on paper.

I am so bloody stressed out right now that my writing is choppy and has no flow at all. It seems a cruel joke of nature that my ADD flares up when I am stressed out and need to work out a valid solution.

I KNOW where I need my story to go next, I KNOW what point I need my stupid bitch of a main character to make in order to get there but I am unable to enact a smooth transition.

In other news I am job hunting again. The family I babysit for recently experienced a lay off and will no longer require my services. WHY WHY WHY does this shit always happen right before Christmas